How to Follow Up After an Au Pair Video Call

Write down what felt clear

Soon after the call, write down the practical details that felt clear. This helps separate the warm feeling of the conversation from what was actually discussed.

• What did we learn about daily life?
• Which expectations were explained clearly?
• What did we learn about children, routines or family rhythm?

Write down what still feels unclear

Unclear does not always mean bad. It simply means something needs a follow-up before anyone makes a decision. Go back through the call and note anything that was answered in general terms rather than with a real example.

For instance, if a host family said childcare tasks would be "light and flexible," that phrase alone does not tell you much. A useful follow-up turns it into something concrete: does light mean occasional help after school, or does it include full mornings during holidays? The same goes for an au pair who said they were "comfortable with young children" without describing a specific situation they had handled before.

Follow up with specific questions

A good follow-up message is kind, short and specific. Avoid sending a long list of doubts. Choose the most important points first.

• Can we clarify what a normal weekday would look like?
• Can we talk a little more about privacy and free time?
• Can we check what light household tasks would mean in practice?
• Can we discuss how feedback would work during the first weeks?

Check values match again

After the call, think about whether values felt aligned. This includes parenting style, communication, reliability, flexibility, independence, privacy and family involvement.

• Did the communication style feel comfortable?
• Did both sides talk openly about difficult moments?
• Did expectations around privacy and family involvement feel aligned?
• Did reliability and flexibility seem to mean the same thing to both sides?

Suggest a clear next step

Do not leave the match floating. If both sides want to continue, agree on what happens next. If one side needs time, say that clearly and kindly.

• Should we plan a second call?
• Should we exchange a few follow-up answers first?
• When will each side think and respond?
• What would need to be clear before saying yes?

Give it 24 hours before deciding

A warm call can create a strong first impression, but decisions made the same day are more likely to skip over details that matter later. Sleeping on it for a night is usually enough to separate genuine excitement from a temporary good feeling.

One host family described feeling completely sure right after a call, ready to send a yes that same evening. By the next morning, though, they realised they had never actually asked how the au pair would handle a toddler's bedtime meltdown, a moment that happens most days in their house. Waiting one night gave them the space to notice the gap and ask before committing, rather than after.

Compare notes as a team

If more than one person is involved in the decision, such as both parents or a partner back home, compare notes separately before discussing together. This helps surface doubts that one person may not have noticed during the call. Au pairs can use the same idea, even without a co-decision-maker on their side of the match.

In practice, this can be as simple as each person writing three quick notes right after the call, before talking to each other about it. One parent might have focused entirely on how the au pair spoke about the children, while the other paid more attention to practical details like driving experience. Comparing those separate impressions often reveals a fuller, more balanced picture than a single shared conversation would.

For an au pair, a good version of this is talking it through with a friend, a former au pair, or family back home, someone who was not on the call and has no emotional investment in the outcome. Simply describing the family and the role out loud, in your own words, often makes it easier to notice a detail that felt off, or to realise that a small worry does not actually hold up once you say it to someone else.