What to Discuss Before Saying Yes to an Au Pair Match

Before saying yes, both sides should feel that the match is warm, clear and realistic. A good conversation covers daily life, the children, expectations, support and values match.

A yes should not feel rushed

A friendly feeling is a good start, but it is not the whole match. The decision should also make sense on an ordinary busy weekday. If something still feels vague, discuss it before moving forward.

The normal weekly rhythm

Before saying yes, both sides should understand what an ordinary week may look like. A good match should not depend only on a nice first call or a strong profile.

What would a normal weekday look like?
Which moments of the day need the most help?
What usually happens on weekends or evenings?
Where could the rhythm become busy or unclear?

The children and their routines

The children are central to the match. Talk honestly about their personalities, routines, emotions, energy levels and what helps them feel calm.

What are the children like when they are tired or upset?
Which routines are important to keep consistent?
What kind of support do the children need from an au pair?
What situations may be difficult in the beginning?

Tasks and expectations

Vague expectations can become stressful later. Use simple, concrete examples so both sides understand what is expected and what is not expected.

Which tasks are daily, weekly or only occasional?
Which tasks are not part of the role?
What does tidy mean in this home?
What should happen if expectations change later?

Values match

A good match is not only practical. Values shape daily life: parenting style, communication, reliability, flexibility, privacy, independence and family involvement.

What values are most important in daily family life?
How does each side communicate when something feels unclear?
How much independence and privacy feels right?
What does reliability and flexibility mean to both sides?

Support during the first weeks

The first weeks are easier when both sides know how support, feedback and questions will work. No one should have to guess how to ask for help.

Who should the au pair go to with questions?
Will there be a weekly check-in at the start?
How will feedback be given kindly and clearly?
What should happen if either side feels unsure?

The next step

Saying yes should feel calm, not rushed. If something important is still unclear, agree on one more conversation or follow-up message before deciding.

What still needs to be clarified?
Would a second call help?
Does either side need more time to think?
Does the match feel warm, clear and realistic?

Still unsure?

Doubt does not always mean no. It often means one important topic still needs a clearer answer.

Read what to do with doubts →

Free Red Flags & Match Clarity Checklist

Use the printable checklist to reflect on possible red flags, values match, open questions and whether the match feels clear enough before saying yes.

Open the free checklist →